Saturday, January 17, 2009

January 17, 2009

Day 17!

wow, I have made it almost nearly as long as the last time I tried. Since 1999/2000 when I lost nearly all my weight, I have tried the fast about 4 times. The longest I have been able to make it was 3 weeks when I choose to eat at a pizza party.
Today I was checking out some support websites and I came across a liquid diet support site and I think I may try out the program they offer as it is a great deal less expensive. I just wonderif I can stay on it. I like the Optifast program but it is so expensive...maybe I should fix what isn't broken, it is only money and if I gain back a surfers bodythen it will be well worth every penny!!!

Monday, January 12, 2009

January 12, 2009

So it is day 12..........it was a very hard day. I almost ate, I really did and I can see that as the days go on it seems to get tougher. I remember it from the past and I thought I got stronger as the days go on...........I am tired. I am a bit weak, I am craving foods...I am sick of packing and I cannot wait until Thursday to move. I hope and believe my stress will decrease at that point. I feel pretty alone right now. I know I have people that will come over and help pack but I can't seem to ask them. I am quite negative right now. I feel pretty gross, although I can tell I have lost weight and that is probably what kept me going today. I am fearful of weight gain whenever I finish the fast ------I guess I should think of one thing at a time. lose it first then worry about the gaining part later.

I need to do this. I have to do this. I am not going to weigh myself again until week 4.

I am too tired to write more.........I am off now. goodnihgt.

Friday, January 9, 2009

January 9, DAY 9

January 9, 2009

what do I want? to make it another 150 days...........I am on my way. For some reason today was a bit tough. My sense of smell seems to have gotten stronger and it seemed as though everyone at work was eating really strong, wonderful smelling meals. Anyway, I just chewed my gum and drank my sodas and kept dreaming about the new clothes I shall buy in 6 months and the baby I will eventually have.

Anyway, this morning I woke up feeling good.......I can tell a difference in my body and as much as I wanted to wait a full month to weigh myself I decided to just do it.
I weighed myself and was quite pleased. I weighed in at 263 which puts me 12 pounds down....not too shabby for 8 days. I have since put my scale away and hope to wait at least two more weeks to weigh -- hopefully, when I do that I will be under that big number -- the one that puts you into a whole new bracket at the doctor's office.........man, I cannot wait to be under 250 and then 230.....those are two milestones for me. 250 because of the scale and 230 because it is the last time I remember really truly feeling good in my body. Still really overweight but for some reason I didn't hate my weight as much when I was at that weight.

I have lots to write but am too tired to do so... Goodnight!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

January 8, Optifast Day 8

So today is day 8...yippee --- only about 150 more days!

Today is my day off from work so I planned on doing nothing but watch tv and stay still until I go pick up my son at 2:45. I am moving so that is not possible. In between packing I watched a couple movies and drank my water and Diet Coke.

Everyone does their Optifast a bit different. A couple of times when I have been on Optifast for less then 1 week I quit because it runs right through me and well I can't handle it. I work in a call center and my location is not too close to the bathroom........so it makes life a bit difficult. I literally didn't fully make it to the bathroom the last time I was on the fast so I can tell you that I quit immediately. NOW I use the fast in a way that probably isn't great for me but I am used to it and it works for me. WHen I am at work from 8-4:30 I eat nothing and drink little...Then when I get home I immediately stick about 4 cups of water in a blender with 3 packs of Opti and then a tray of ice.......tastes great! I feel great afterwards and it is how I enjoy the fast most. By the middle of week one the shake tastes almost as good as a real shake. It is awesome! Then around 9pm or so I make the other two shakes as I did the first three. I only like the chocolate.

I go through a medical center to purchase my shakes but they just went WAY up in price so I have decided to only visit them once a month to get some already prepared shakes. I am purchasing on Ebay now. At the medical center they used to charge 126$ for a weeks worth of shakes and .50 more for each prepared shake -- CAN YOU believe in less then 6 months they raised their rate to 150$? That is way to high of a bump up. I just purchased 85 shakes or 2 and 1/2 weeks worth for 244$

NOW THE NUMBERS.........When that ass left me I was up to 296 and then after 8 months of dealing with that jerk I lost 20lbs -- I have NEVER lost weight without trying.
January 1 - start date - 276

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

January 8, 2009



Hello - my name is Jenn and this has been an incredibly difficult year. April 24th, 2008 my husband took me to the mall - under the pretense that we were going to a movie. At the food court he proceeded to express that he was not happy, he was moving out that day, and then he whipped out divorce papers. This was from a guy that was a complete depressing stoner that had difficulty getting his ass to do anything outside of his job. Explain to me how someone like that finds the time and energy to set up a new house without me even knowing a thing. I was completely blindsided and cannot believe this is my life. What I will also say is that I now feel as though I have been released from a prison. I would never have left him because we have a child and I would walk through fire for that kid or.............I would stay with a depressing, rarely fun man for the unity of family. I am sad for my child but man my future looks a great deal brighter then it did when I was with that depressing man...........he too was SERIOUSLY OVERWEIGHT --420lbs. or so.



But this is about me and my weight loss journey with Optifast. Today is the end of day 7 and I am feeling confident. From experience I can tell you that you should NEVER cheat or choose to eat as there is no turning back. I have never met anyone that can choose to eat occassionally and still get back on the program. Anytime I start to feel weak I say to myself, "what do I want?". I watched that movie with Meg Ryan and several other big stars.. it wasn't a very good movie but it had a good message............what do you want? I want to feel the desire to date again and when I do I want to date whom I want and not settle for what I would get at this weight. I am terrified to date by the way. What do I want? On the anniversary that asshole left me I want others to look and me and think -- "what was he thinking?"...............What do I want? I want to feel good. ............What do I want? I want my judgemental fat-phobic parents to treat me like a normal person. ...............what do I want? I want to SURF with my son this spring and summer. I have to say that I cannot weigh myself until after 4 weeks as I tend to get messed up with the numbers. I need to see a big number and I imagine after 4 weeks the number will be big enough for me to continue on the fast. I have never tried to go this route but I am not playing games this time...............I plan to succeed! April 24th is coming quickly!